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    Shazi Ezan

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    Taj Mahal, Agra, India

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    Inspiration: DayBefore!Misery

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    U.Z(S).A virus.
    Bitched on: Saturday, September 29, 2007
    Time: 9/29/2007 06:30:00 PM

    The only thing that I am looking forward in life at the moment is the trip to the U.S.A. in May 2008.

    8 months and counting...

    I've set my mind to go to Alaska. Goodbye scorching sun, hello aurora. :)

    P.S. Oh yeah. For those with the U.Z.A Virus, click here.

    Your Antivirus Software will not be able to detect that damn virus. It does damn irritating things like changing your wallpaper in this black wallpaper with U.Z.A. on it, disabling Taskmanager and Disabling Properties tabs.


    Its been spreading from one laptop to another in my archi studio. Now I think its spreading to the rest of the school. I was free from it until today when a friend messaged me on MSN. So for now avoid sharing files and thumbdrives or downloading anything, cause I have no idea how this virus spreads...

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    Emo shit
    Time: 9/29/2007 03:44:00 PM

    Yes, I know my entries are very emo and so is my MSN nick.
    No, my cat isn't dead. I just think its cute that it looks so 'depressed' hence I used it as a 'model'.

    I'm going through a very empty period in my life when nothing matters anymore. I'm simply bored. And confused. And very tired. And easily irritable.

    I guess its probably because of fasting, hence the lethargy and irritability. Though I keep telling myself to be at peace in this holy month but I can't help feeling hot-headed and I especially feel like crap.

    I am squeezed between home and school. Though it is supposedly the freaking recess week the past week, I have been going to school for projects and shit. The people at home wants me to paint the house (cause I suggested the house needed a fresh coat of paint... me and my big mouth). I would gladly help but if they keep teasing me (cause I'm supposedly the 'family-klutz' ) , I can't be bothered to do anything at home.

    School is also another pressure-zone. Datelines looming, presentations in a week, essays included, Chinese homework due...

    The main reason for my emo and angsty nicks is because of a certain group of 'friends' who to date haven't even wished moi a simple 'Happy Birthday'. I don't care if its via a flipping SMS (at least this is a simple acknowledgement)... but nothing? I know it sounds damn petty but this group of friends (two person in particular) is supposedly my closest friends. Screw it if you think I'm petty, I'm just pissed off.

    After all I have done for your birthdays, I get nought. Next year, I won't bother. After all we have gone through, you forgot me on my birthday. You too have been forgotten, not just on your birthdays but on all the other days as well.

    Screw you...
    This bitch had had enough.

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    Gimme less...
    Bitched on: Monday, September 24, 2007
    Time: 9/24/2007 12:42:00 PM

    The whole world must have known by now about Brit's major flop at the MTV Awards.

    Her lackluster dancing, her unconvincing lip-syncing and of course her not-as-taut-as-it-used-to-be-body.

    Inevitably, everybody was ready to shred her into pieces after that performance. Even her "I looked like a fat pig" comment backstage didn't help make things better. Seems like the whole world turned their backs on her.

    All cept for probably one guy. Meet Chris Crocker.




    Funny at the end he (yes... its a HE) says, "Leave Britney Spears alone, right, now!! I mean it. Anyone who has a problem with her, you deal with me. Because she's not well right now."

    Dude, you are seriously not well right now too..

    Last I heard, the dude's gonna have his own TV show. Oh the humanity..
    Britney dear, how can we leave you alone looking like that. Get a tip or two from Christina Aguilera next time, the stripper-look is so passe and wearing a classy corset wouldn't hurt.


    This guy is HILARIOUS. Super bitchy!!! Lol...

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    Depressed. Discouraged. Disappointed.
    Bitched on: Saturday, September 22, 2007
    Time: 9/22/2007 01:47:00 PM

    Haiz...

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    Disappointed.
    Time: 9/22/2007 11:47:00 AM

    You have done a fantastic job avoiding me. I have not once seen you since your return.

    You have done a fantastic job keeping me out of your life. I have not heard anything about you 'cept from someone else. I don't even know you have another.

    And you have done a completely fantastic job with your dieting and probably disappearing into thin air. I won't even recognise you anymore.

    Congratulations.
    My dear friends. I will do the same unto you. You have been forgotten. Our memories erased.

    I wish I could do what Kate Winslet did to Jim Carrey in 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind'.

    Is it too much to ask for you to remember that day?

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    Discouraged.
    Bitched on: Friday, September 21, 2007
    Time: 9/21/2007 03:35:00 PM

    What am I doing?

    What did I do wrong?

    My crit went so horribly wrong.
    Like standing in front of the firing squad... alone...

    I feel so miserable...
    Shoot me once in the head and get it done and over with.

    Am I supposed to be here? I am doubting myself, me being in this course.

    Enough is enough. I have been beaten.

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    Depressed.
    Time: 9/21/2007 03:24:00 PM

    I need to trade in my old friends, they don't work anymore.
    "Someone who is always surrounded by a sea of friends, sometimes feels he
    is the loneliest of them all."

    Reality check, I have 500 over friends in my friendster account. That does not mean anything to me.

    I feel so lonely... So disappointed. So depressed lately.

    Anyone I can turn to? Anyone to be here physically to comfort me?

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    10 days and counting...
    Time: 9/21/2007 03:17:00 PM

    For one day you forgot, is one year of you I have forgotten.

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    Enough already!!!
    Bitched on: Saturday, September 15, 2007
    Time: 9/15/2007 12:48:00 AM

    This is getting too much!

    First it was the image of the Monkey God in one tree.
    Then there were two.
    And then one more in another tree.
    Then there was the face of the Goddess of Mercy on another.
    And now there is the elephant face of Ganesh, a Hindu deity.

    Wah laooo.... This is causing stupid unnecessary pile-ups here all the time...

    Inconsiderate stupid drivers stopping by the side of the road. Stupid gung-ho pedestrian walking on the road. Stupid stupid people... Jurong West is overwhelmed with all these stupid inconsiderate people.

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    One year on... stronger.
    Bitched on: Friday, September 14, 2007
    Time: 9/14/2007 12:20:00 AM

    Hope you guys realise that I didn't write the previous entry. Its written by the gay teacher who came out in his blog.

    He's a teacher. He's gay.

    Somehow many people have problems using those two words in the same sentence.

    Kinda lame cause I am so sure that some parents of students in the school must be worried that that 'chikopek' would be touching their kids now.

    I am suddenly reminded of Mr Garrison (and his partner, Mr Slave) from my favourite adult-oriented cartoon, South Park. Mr Garrison, for the clueless, is the very gay 4th Grade teacher in the show (who later became Mrs Garrison and to date has become a lesbian; GAY again... lol.. that show cracks me up without fail).

    Well, I don't see any need for alarm unless the gay teacher brings in a Mr Slave and shoves up small rodents in the latter's anal cavity (like what Mr Garrison did in one episode).

    So ignorant. What's the big deal? I have tonnes of gay teachers.

    Did they try to molest me? No.
    Were they lousy teachers? No. In fact, they were the best ones around.

    I applaud him for coming out. And I believe that his students should rally behind him in support (whether the ignorant parents, school or the ever-so-flawed and uptight education ministry like it or not).

    Still on the topic of 'brave' people, I just saw TabTV and they were showing that 'sex video cheerleader' story. How lame changing the name from Tammi to Demi. Like duh.. We know who she is...

    I revisited her
    blog and I am glad to know she's getting her life back to normal again (bought a new phone... I wouldn't be bragging about the new phone or its model if I were her. And certainly not the phone's features.. we know what she wants, better video quality perhaps?).

    Kinda surprised that she hasn't totally hidden herself from the limelight or the face of the earth (if not at the very least the internet and blogosphere). I would have searched for a cavern to hibernate in for the rest of eternity if I were her.

    Just proves to show that you have to move on and keep on living your life as per normal despite whatever shit happens. If you still let the shame, paranoia or the fear affect you, it would just mean that the terrorist have won. Wait... I wasn't talking about 911, or was I?

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    Well Said.
    Bitched on: Thursday, September 13, 2007
    Time: 9/13/2007 10:29:00 PM

    I am Otto Fong.

    I have been teaching Science in Raffles Institution for the last eight years.
    Being a teacher has been the most rewarding part of my professional life thus far. My students continue to amaze me daily with their wit, maturity, independent thinking and leadership. It is very fulfilling that I am a part of an institution that moulds the future generation of Singapore’s leaders.


    Leaders are people who can rise above the tide of popular opinion, people who are guided by the conviction of rightness and justice and in being so guided, lead others towards that right path.

    Recent events leading to my action.


    Recent events have made me decide to write this open letter. In April this year, Minister Mentor Mr Lee Kuan Yew – one of the school’s greatest alumni – called homosexuality a “genetic variation”, questioning the validity of criminalising gay sex. In July, MP Baey Yam Keng expressed support for the repeal of Section 377A of the penal code (which criminalises gay sex acts). In August, Malaysian columnist and ordained pastor Oyoung Wenfeng released his inspiring new Mandarin book “Tong Gen Sheng”, encouraging gay men and women to come out of the closet.

    A few evenings later, I attended a forum organised by People Like Us on gay teachers and students. A few brave twenty-something guys asked, “Why has there been so little guidance available to me as a gay teenager?” It was a question that I had asked myself often, growing up.

    When I became a teacher in 1999, I looked back on the good guidance my own teachers gave me as a template, and tried to be a better teacher to my students. Besides teaching them Science, I spent considerable effort in imparting good social values: give up your seats to the needy, save the handicapped parking lot for those in wheelchairs and their caretakers, respect people regardless of profession or social status.


    How hate is perpetuated.
    Yet, in the eight years I have taught, I have done little for that small group of students who are gay. When the religious group Focus on the Family masqueraded as sex guidance counselors and gave a talk full of misinformation about homosexuality to our students, I was furious but kept my mouth shut.

    When my niece returned from school saying, “Gays are disgusting!” I knew she learnt that hatred from a classmate, who had in turn absorbed that hatred from a parent. I knew that this hatred has been perpetrated for generations. But hatred grew out of fear, and hatred, as a line in a movie goes, “leads to the Dark Side.” This is the same environment of hatred I grew up in, as a gay teenager and student.

    Until Section 377A* is repealed, there will be precious little the Ministry of Education can do to help these students. As a teacher, I am bound by my professional duty to follow the directives of my superiors.

    While these events helped crystallize my decision to come out of the closet, my motivation remains deeply personal.

    My family and I.
    As far back as primary six, I have been aware of my attraction towards classmates of the same sex. For those who argued about nurturing factors of the family, my brother and sister grew up under the same parents and remained heterosexuals despite growing up with me in close proximity.


    As a teenager, I was very quick to sense society’s aversion towards the ’sissies’ in my classes. I worked hard to distance myself from them. While I was successful in modifying my outward behavior, my sexual orientation remained unchanged. My denial gnawed at me, and the suppression of my true self resulted in self-destructive behavior during my overseas university years.

    Fortunately, my American fraternity mates were supportive. I began to see a counselor who helped me accept myself for who and what I am.

    Returning to Singapore, I came out to my family. My father, mother, brother and sister, out of love for their son and brother, walked the long road to acceptance. It was not easy for them, but they loved me before I came out, and they love me after. When I finally settled down with my longtime companion (we have been together for more than nine years), my entire family made sure my nieces and nephews included us in their lives. I loved my family too much to keep them in the dark, to deny them the chance to really know me. And they loved me too much to let some old prejudice tear our family apart.

    I kept my sexual orientation a secret at work, and only a handful of my colleagues knew about me.

    I don’t want to be a bonsai tree.
    Not counting my childhood, I have spent more than twenty years in the professional closet. I am nearing my fourth decade on Earth. While I have had some successes in life, I am not content to be just average. As I have often told my students, “Why be average when you can be your best?”


    Do you know what a bonsai tree is? A bonsai tree is an imitation of a real tree. It is kept in a small pot with limited nutrients, trimmed constantly to fit someone else’s whim. It looks like a real tree, except it can’t do many things a real tree can. It cannot provide shelter, it cannot find food on its own; its life and death are totally reliant on its owner. It is the plant version of the 3-inch Chinese bound foot for women: useless and painful.

    Being in the closet, pretending to be straight, trimming our true selves to suit the whims and expectations of others, is just like being a human bonsai tree. By staying in the closet, we cannot even hope to be average, much less above and beyond average.

    I felt that in order to reach my fullest potential as a useful human being, I must first fully accept myself, and face the world honestly. I have lived long enough to know that what I am is not a disease, an aberration or a mental illness.

    Hate is not a religious value.
    People have cited many ‘reasons’ for hating homosexuals, just as many people tried to justify their views that the Earth was flat, that the darker skinned should always be inferior, and that women should subjugate their lives to men. The teachings of the world’s great religious traditions offer many words of wisdom, but the interpretations of their human followers are not infallible. As Jesus said in his Sermon on the Mount (yes, a personal Bible was given to me by a great lady and I honored her by reading the book), we must love our neighbors as ourselves. It is a simple teaching, but one that’s rarely followed by those who seek to oppress people different from themselves. The path to enlightenment always faces stubborn resistance.


    As Mahatma Gandhi said, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you…”

    There are some people who are using homosexuality to advance their personal ambitions vis a vis religion. They claim that the homosexual ‘agenda’ is to make the whole world gay and threaten the stability of the family. Yet, let us examine the evidence: Denmark, Norway and Sweden, the first countries to legalise gay marriage, are more stable than ever – their population has not been converted by gays and their heterosexual divorce rates have even decreased since gays have been afforded legal rights. (William N. Eskridge, Jr and Darren R. Spedale, Oxford University Press, 2006).


    The only agenda gay people have is to be able to live with the same rights and dignity as our heterosexual brothers and sisters. Our very vocal opponents are the ones actively preying on innocent people, recruiting them to their cause by spreading fear and misinformation. I hope thinking people will quickly see that it is this small group of vocal objectionists who have a more dangerous agenda, that their fight with gay people has nothing to do with what’s right or wrong, but is merely a litmus test of their political influence. For peace and prosperity to continue, Singapore must always uphold secularism, where each different segment of the population respects the beliefs and rights of the others.

    Can a country with no natural resources afford to drive away its own citizens?
    There is a very pragmatic reason that you should support the rights and dignity of gay Singaporeans: in this globally-competitive era, Singapore needs her gay sons and daughters, just as we need our Singaporean Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Hindus, immigrants, men and women, old folks and young. Most importantly, we need those gay sons and daughters because those gay sons and daughters are Singaporean Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Hindus, immigrants, men and women, old folks and young. Can a country without natural resources continue to flourish when it starts to drive away its own children?


    As I said before, leaders are people who are guided by the conviction of rightness and justice and in being so guided, lead others towards that right path.

    I am still a teacher. My main purpose and joy is to teach our youngest citizens, the same ones who will be the leaders of our nation tomorrow. But, I feel I am shortchanging both society and myself by staying in the closet. I must be true to myself. If my colleagues and students, both gay and straight, see that being true to one’s own self has great value, perhaps we can produce a new generation who is truly courageous. A new generation of young people who are proud to be themselves, no matter what difference they have from their classmates. Then I will have succeeded in providing them a better education than I had the opportunity to receive during my years in school.

    So here’s what I am, and I am a friend in need at the moment.
    So here it is: I, Otto Fong, have always been and always will be a gay man. When you ask about my spouse, I will say he is a man. I am as proud being gay as you are proud being straight. I am not, as some people like to label gays, a pedophile, a child molester, a pervert or sexual deviant. I did not choose to be gay, just like heterosexuals did not choose to be straight. I am not going to hell (not for being gay anyway).


    I am not going back in the closet. When you ask me who I am, I will answer: I am a son, a brother, a long-time companion, an uncle, a teacher, a classmate, a colleague, a part of your community, a HDB dweller, a Singaporean. And I am also gay.

    I would like to enjoy the respect that all other Singaporeans enjoy. I will not let the closet bind my feet, because I am made to sprint. I am not interested in being a bonsai tree, my DNA is programmed to climb higher. My heart aspires to reach my fullest potential as a human being.

    I hope, dear friends and colleagues, that you look back and remember what I am, and see that I am not someone you fear. I am essentially the same person – flawed, imperfect, but brought up properly by two loving parents to lead a productive, beneficial and meaningful life. My friends and family love me for who I am, and I hope you can too. I come out to you with as much hope and trepidation as when I first come out to my mother and father. Your support and understanding are very important to me at this moment.

    you, may you prosper in health and soul.

    Yours sincerely,
    Otto Fong

    8th Sept 2007

    Blogger's Note: He has removed this entry since.

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    Ramadhan is here and so is 'Sun Wukong' apparently..
    Time: 9/13/2007 12:06:00 PM

    Yay! Yay!! Puasa is here! Time to fast during this beautiful month of Ramadhan. After Ramadhan would be Syawal and that means Hari Raya! Double yay yay!!

    Time to loose weight and watch my diet. Can save money. More importantly be extra extra religious if you know what I mean...

    Oh... on my home today I saw a huge crowd gathered around a tree near my house. Thought nothing of it until I got home and saw the reason for the commotion.


    What you are looking at is supposedly an image of two monkeys imbedded on the lower end of a tree. Since it was discovered just this morning, a lot of people have been praying around it. 'Sun Wukong' or the 'Monkey God' brings good fortune and so you can imagine those praying around the tree are punters who have the least of noble intentions like to strike TOTO or 4-D.

    Good lah, in the spirit of being extra religious, can pray there after praying tarawih prayers nearby. Muahaha...

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    Happy Birthday Bitch...
    Bitched on: Tuesday, September 11, 2007
    Time: 9/11/2007 11:56:00 PM

    I woke up early this morning to an SMS;

    'Happy Birthday bitch'.

    The other wishes and SMSes for the rest of the day were around the same too.

    So thanks to all the a**holes, jacka**es, bitches and wh*res who didn't forget. I love you all.

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    The 'Send Shazi to USA' fund-raising event is now on...
    Bitched on: Sunday, September 09, 2007
    Time: 9/09/2007 03:40:00 PM

    For every S$1 you donate will be used to feed Shazi an egg when he stays in the States.

    $5, a cheesedog in Washington DC.

    $10, a roller coaster ride in Disneyland.

    $50, a ticket to a Broadway show in New York.

    For donations above $50, a shelter above his head in Alaska.

    So please, pick up the phone and call now to donate.

    Think of Shazi when he freezes his ass whilst in the US of A for 3 months.

    Bloggers Note: Lemme figure out how to use Paypal.com...
    All proceeds will go directly to Shazi's expenditure and rent in the States.

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    I wish...
    Time: 9/09/2007 01:24:00 AM

    Since moi's birthday is around the corner, allow me to shamelessly blog about what I want for my 22nd birthday (and in some people's case, for my 21st birthday... you know who you are, still 'owing' me a gift from last year's party...).

    Well, I want a SAR 21 riffle.
    Dave Teo will be getting it for me though. But last I heard he took the riffle out of his camp a few days too early. Plus he didn't get the memo stating that my bash is a casual one and not a black tie party.

    Jokes aside, I'm not having a birthday bash.
    I don't see the need to have even the smallest of gatherings. Its not that I'm unhappy about turning 22, I'm not excited either. I feel indifferent.

    So what about turning 22? In fact I keep thinking that I would be turning 23 this year. Don't ask me why, I just do...

    Someone please gimme fish cod oil or something... I'm going senile.

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