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O.R.D-Day, 150306
Bitched on: Sunday, March 12, 2006
Time: 3/12/2006 05:30:00 PM
If life was like the Grammys or Oscars, I will have these few (some made-up) catergories to award the SAF (Singapore Armed Forces), for the past 2 years and 2 months.Time: 3/12/2006 05:30:00 PM
The Most Adrenaline Rush Award (aka Action-Packed Movie):
When I rappeled down the helicopter. Boy, was that fun. I still remember looking at the underside of the helicopter after I jumped out of it...
It was months of practice jumps at the Guards Tower for that 2 minutes of pure excitement. My heart was palpitating, my throat parched and my mind was a complete mess. I can proudly boast and retell the stories to my not-as-fortunate Infantry comrades.
*clap clap* 2 minutes *clap clap* skid *clap clap* rope *clap clap* L-shape *clap clap* GO!
The Most Oh-my-God-I-am-going-to-die Award:
No, its not related to the above experience but instead it was quite... ermmm... embarassing. I was...
...chased by a pack of 7 to 10 wild dogs when I was on my way to my bunk via a shortcut (last time I took that shortcut). I swear the dogs were huge and menacing and there were so many. I could have easily clock 9 seconds flat for that 100m. And boy did I shout (manly, not shrilly surprisingly).
The Most Sleaze-all-in-One-Night (aka Most real-life Porn I'll ever get) Award:
I was roped in by my ex-platoon sergeant and ex-company 2IC from 3Guards to pay a visit to Orchard Towers and Geylang after a night in Cheeky Monkeys (my first clubbing experience)! That was the first time I got to experience 2 of Singapore's red light districts first hand. And like any red-blooded male I was excited at the thought but when I finally dwelled into the sleaze, I wanted out, prompto. Normally, rows and rows of girls in bras standing by the roadside parading themselves for you to pick might sound like every guys' dreams but I was ermm.... embarrassed to be there, and I felt sorry and pity for the ladies. They were treated like objects, like meat!
I came out of the experience with 2 mental notes, guys are pigs and I will never succumb to paying for sex, ever.
The Most Tear Jerking Performance (aka Most I-miss-my-Mommy Award)
This happened in Taiwan, during one of the outfield exercises. It was constantly pouring (Taiwan was so similiar to Singapore; hot, wet and very Chinese). I remember particularly it was our first day outfield and it was raining heavily for a very long time.
My two buddies and I had built a makeshift shelter with our groundsheet over an overhanging branch of a nearby tree. Our shelter was powerless against the heavy rain and it wasn't long before our only protection agaist the rain brokedown. So what did my buddies and I do? Well, we took turns to stand and bend over in the centre of the 'shelter' to replace the branch. The other two will then pull the four corners down so that rainwater wouldn't accumulate anywhere.
Drenched from head to toe (argh!!! I got my foot rot since then), we complained, bitched and cried our misery out for the whole day! Looking back, I find it really hilarious how 3 grown guys were actually lamenting about missing home... and the sun.
The Best Movie Award
(aka Should-be-made-into-a-movie-with-many-many-sequels Award)
Drumrolls please... Hmmm... we have a tie! And they are both comedies!!!
Well, both 'comedies' occured during my roving stint in a unit (which has a special place in my heart always), Singapore 3rd Battalion Guards. And both occurred days apart when I was leading my section in one of our many navigational exercises in the jungles of Lim Chu Kang.
On the first day of the exercise while we were walking up a really steep slope to find our next checkpoint, I suddenly and painfully had cramps in my both my legs (like in my thighs and calves!!!) I was obviously immobilised and screaming in pain..
Haha... My section (group of men) was obviously horrified (initially) and they were scrambling for help. But where were they to find help in the middle of the jungle? So we were desperately signalling for help using the one and only signal set.
But alas help never arrived (they were busy tending to a 'real' casualty) and so instead I, with the help of my men, made our way back to our HQ (headquarters).
That story became the joke of the century! Everyone began immitating my 'shouts of pain'... Arhhh... arhhh... arhh...
So funny, guys... Not.
The next day,we moved on to the next navigational exercise (with me still embarrassed from the previous days' spectacle).
This time, my section 2 IC, Reyhan (now Corporal Reyhan, so proud of you bro), was instructed to lead the way while I was the observer. He lead us well from checkpoint to checkpoint. Occasionally, the whole section would simply bash into the forest directly to find the next checkpoint.
On of those occasions, we came across a small stream. It appeared shallow enough to just walk (not even wade) across and narrow enough to jump over (if need be). It seemed harmless like many of the other streams we came across, or so we thought.
Poor Faizhul was the first victim of the evil stream...
The poor boy fell into the mercilessly stream the moment he stood on the banks (only rivers have that ey?). Well, he 'sank' all the way to close his chest level! It was that deep. His huge and heavy field pack might have helped the stream to suck him further down. He cried out for me, shouting, 'Sergeant, help, quicksand!!'
I was from the back, rushed to the front to see Al-Bokiah, laughing at his buddy who was now trying to struggle to get to the other side. When he eventually got to the other side, he swore at his buddies who instead of helping him were laughing at him.
Next to try was Bokiah. He tested the banks first. But even before he could leap off, the part of the bank he stood on collapsed, taking him down with it. But he managed to pull Reyhan (who was behind him) down with him and a small shrub completely with the huge tuber (we were guessing sweet potato) of the soil. So the two fell into the stream with a splash. By now, the stream was becoming wider and deeper and muddier... And we had food, Bo's sweet potato. haha...
So we devised a plan to use our parang (a machete) to cut down a small tree which was thick and sturdy enough for us to use as a small makeshift bridge. We tried making a human chain as we crossed the bridge and that was fine until Reyhan, who had gotten onto the other side, playfully released Sulaiman's hand. Sulaiman who was in the middle of the 'bridge' lost his balance and fell straight into the stream! That was hilarious!
The whole situation was hilarious!! It was like we took turns solo to cross but each one of us fell. At the end of it, none of us were spared from brown (instead of our original green camo) muddy clothes. The drama was really incredibly unforgetable. It was a small stream but it 'defeated' all of us! More importantly, we bonded as a section, something we swore we would never forget. It was one of those things that when you were shagged and you get dirty, you will just laugh it off. We had fun. And we immediately found our checkpoint after that, behind a tree. Haha...
The Best Actor
It goes to.... Me! Haha. I remember when I was still a trainee in SISPEC during one of our navigation exercises, I lost a magazine (gasp!! Not FHM or Maxim hor...). A magazine is the part of the rifle that you use to load the rounds and you 'attach' this magazine to the weapon to fire. Mind you it was loaded with rounds (blanks only). And after hours of searching for that damn magazine, I... (due to sheer 'shagness'...) feigne...d... I mean.. I fainted! Haha! It wasn't really hard to put up that performance when you were really dead tired, the weather was really hot and that you knew that you will be so screwed losing that thing. Haha... I was really hoping that my superiors would take pity on me and maybe the punishment for the loss (we found the magazine the next morning) would be lessened but boy was I wrong... The punishment? Try three weekend confinements...Ouch.
The Best Supporting Actor
The award has to go to the medic from the above's 'drama' who was tending to me despite knowing that I was faking it! Haha... I think he knew after he checked my temperature (which wasn't really high for heat exhaustion). Haha... That medic even suggested I be put on a drip! Well, luckily they couldn't find a drip in the middle of the jungle. So he did the next best thing, he iced me to death! Like really, I could have gotten frostbites on my fingers... and nipples!
Other awards given out include;
Best Break-out Performance
Me again. For my occasional break-out of zits.
Best Song
That song that accompanies the lowering or raising of the National, SAF and Army flags and everyone has to freeze whenever the song is played (God knows what's the title of that song...).
Best Newcomer
All those who have just enlisted into the Army. Suckers!!! Hahaha!! Chao recruits!!!
And If I were to have an Acceptance Speech, it will go something like this;
Thank you SAF, for the most enriching and eye-opening time of my life.
I truly had a wonderful 2 years and 2 months.
I have become a man. Not a lil boy anymore but an independant grown-up.
Though I did bitch about National Service (NS) initially (I'm sure you guys serving it right now must be doing that right now), but boy am I thankful (and also thankful that it is over too)...
No, it wasn't a waste of my time instead I had the time of my life then.
But it was a waste of my brain cells, cause man, have I become dumber... So thanks.
It was like camping, working and schooling all rolled into one. I learnt more in the Army than all the years of schooling in my life put together. Loads more responsibilties and stuff. It was my first working experience ever (bumming around at home isn't exactly work, I wasn't paid). Thanks for paying me to bumm around.
It was a completely different lifestyle in Tekong. I felt like we were overseas (Tekong island is still overseas...) and we were staying in hostels. So thanks for the free food and accommodation.
Getting out to the civillian world (aka mainland) was always something to look forward to, something to cherish. Thank you for limiting that.
But now like a prisoner given a second chance at freedom, I feel like I am no longer chained to a steel ball...
I will not take it for granted now that I can freely go down to Orchard Road or anywhere for that matter. I am free, no more heavy heart that I feel whenever I need to book in.
No more (ridiculously) early reveille. I am free to wake up late, in my own bed, in my own room.
Thank you for making me realise that my freedom is precious. And thank you for taking it away, limiting it and now returning it to me.
I am free. I am free. Amin to that.
I am free. You will be too, just hang on.
"All good things come to those who wait."
ORD LOH!!!
Another related entry, SAF- Serve And F... Off?
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