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SuperBitch Returns
Bitched on: Friday, June 30, 2006
Time: 6/30/2006 01:55:00 AM
Time: 6/30/2006 01:55:00 AM
Watched 'Superman Returns' two days ago. Funny, cause the movie wasn't supposed to be 'open'-ed till yesterday...
And it wasn't like I was watching a sneak preview or something.
It was just there... showing... in 8 timeslots that day.
And neither was I planning to watch it that day.
It was just there... showing... in 8 ti...
Ok, you get the picture.
Why say 'opens 29th June' when you really mean some cinemas are showing it a day earlier?
Hmmm...
Fine.
What did the Hebitch think of the movie?
The director, Bryan Singer, was really great producing (or is it directing?) the first two X-men movies and he didn't disappoint in this sequel to the first two Superman.
Which brings me to this point, what happened to the crap they tried to pass off as X-Men 3?
So here's what happened at the cinema.
Kiasu-me had me and my 'date' in the cinema a good fifteen minutes before the stated time on the ticket.
I mean... you never know what time the movie starts, sometimes the movie starts on the dot, no?
But instead we (at least me alone lah, cause she had to use the bathroom) were treated to half an hour of pure blissful commercials.
Who says the commercials before the movie are a waste of time?
It can be useful ya know, cultural exchange even.
For example I know that in India, one ruppee can't buy you 5 birds, it can only get you one bird.
Furthermore, they have credit card machines in the rural markets of India.
How cool is that?
Bet you didn't know that, huh?
Ok, enough digression.
The movie.
The movie was a tad long.
Ok, it was painfully long...
(And I'm not talking about Brandon Rough's 'appendage' cause I wasn't looking, though according to my 'date' it wasn't that impressive, she even said it was flat...)
Anyway, the movie.
It was long.
129 minutes of it.
I felt some scenes were really redundant.
Like shoots of Superman's 'relax corner' in space, Clark Kent's 'loser' moments or a close-up of Superman's crotch (I made the last part up, there was apparently a big, pardon the pun, hoo-hah about it)...
I was quite 'emotionless' watching the movie actually.
Sure it had Titanic (the scene of the splitting ship), Apollo 13 (the scene with the space shuttle), Deep Impact or Armageddon (the destruction of Metropolis that looks suspiciously like New York, again New York, people in Hollywood must really have something against this city), Smallville (when Clark was just a teenager) and even Lost (the scene with the plane about to crash) all rolled into one.
Sure it was action-packed.
But I didn't really 'feel' the movie.
Mainly because of the giggling girls sitting a couple of seats away from me.
They giggle at everything!!!
All the funny and not-so-funny scenes!!!!
What are they?
Easily entertained?
It was damn pissing me off after a while.
Stupid bitches...
And that jackass.
Yapping on his God damn phone...
And that toddler who can't keep his trap shut...
What's wrong with these people?
Argh!!!
Ok, Ok.
Back to the movie.
Have I said it was long?
And draggy...
Good God. Its ending was so unbelievably draggy.
Like want to end, dun want to end liddat...
I'm sure there will be many sequels to come (just like X-Men..).
Ok, the actors.
Is it just me or does Brandon Routh have an uncanny resemblance to the late Christopher Reeves (especially when he dresses up like Clark Kent and he even sounds like him)?
Which brings me to the next question.
Are the other characters retarded?
Why can't they see the resemblance between Clark and the Man of Steel?
If you expect them to be smarter (than in its prequels) don't count on it.
But back to Brandon, he was really convincing as the confused-where-do-I-wear-my-underwear superhero.
He totally looked the part.
Kates Bosworth was surprisingly bland as Lois Lane.
Whatever happened to the fiesty hard-headed sex-kitten reporter?
Kevin Spacey too.
Let's just say Lex Luthor ran out of diabolical ideas and came out with the crappiest I-will-rule-the-world idea, with get this, 4 pathetic minions (and one of them was Kumar from 'Harold and Kumar').
And surprise surprise, Cyclop makes an appearance.
Nah...
Actually, James Marsden (the dude who played Cyclop) is in the movie too.
Hebitch verdict.
Should you watch it?
Yes.
If you have half the day to waste.
And if you like bald jokes.
Or if you like to stare at people's crotch...
Oh, the movie will make more sense if you have watched the first two Superman movies, cause I was a bit lost in the beginning.
See here for the actual summary.
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