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Goodbye.
Bitched on: Saturday, May 20, 2006
Time: 5/20/2006 02:18:00 AM
Read her blog.Time: 5/20/2006 02:18:00 AM
I became so emotional, I started my infamous trying-to-stifle-my-tears-but-in-the-end-I-start-to-sob again.
I was sad cause I know I would never see her again until months later.
I would not even get to see her when she goes away.
What makes me more sad is how sad the state of our friendship is now. We used to be tight. Now, I hardly know her. I hardly see her.
I don't feel like I am 'losing' her when she goes away cause in fact, I feel like I have 'lost' her.
A pity...
Its understandable that what she wants to do now is stay at home, to be with her family, I mean I would be doing that too if I was going overseas for that long a time.
A lil message from me to you.
I won't want to exit from your life kicking and screaming but instead, I will graciously bow out.
So farewell and study hard. Don't forget to enjoy yourself there.
I've told you I miss you and I hope you will miss me too.
...
Its just so sad, no?
Yes, she would be 'gone' physically but there are also other friends who I felt have been 'erased' from my life too.
And I feel like I have lost all these close friends of mine, I hardly chat with them or meet them.
I'm sorry I sound a bit self-centred here but I feel that the whole world around me is collapsing and I'm the only one standing still, alone...
And the sad thing is that those I was close to don't realise that.
A pathetic state, I know.
I am so down and out.
And I'm sick of this...
I'm just so sick of being the first one to initiate the conversation on MSN or SMS. And there are times when I do, I will sometimes not get a reply.
I am sick of being rejected whenever I ask my friends to go out with me.
Or being made empty promises to go out and then blah...
I am so sick being the last to know about so-and-so birthday party or not getting invited in the first place.
I'm sick of rotting at home with nothing to do when its a good sunny day outside.
I am so incredibly jealous of those who have everything now, when I have nothing.
No friends, no girlfriend, no life and most importantly no money...
I am not being selfish and asking too much am I?
Just a simple SMS to say "hi" from friends who have been ignoring me the past few weeks.
But I guess its too late now. I have officially 'deleted' some people from my life now.
Who cares right?
They don't...
Labels: personal
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