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    I think my grandma is dying.
    Bitched on: Sunday, December 10, 2006
    Time: 12/10/2006 02:13:00 AM

    Something is wrong.

    Last week, my grandma was hospitalised once again. She is still bedridden since the last time I blogged about her. I had wished then that she would get better and start walking again. At least be able to sit in a wheelchair. And I had hoped (as did my sister) that she could come to my sister's wedding this January.

    My grandma had also lost part of her memory and it was hard for her to remember people. I thought it was 'alright' since it was part and parcel of getting old. I mean, she could still talk and joke around with the people around her.

    But last Friday, I saw her again. This time she couldn't say a single word except to moan. She lost her voice, I thought, she will get it back once she gets better. It must be the strong medicine she's taking; at least she has her eyes open, I thought.

    The next day, she was still 'muted' plus she had her eyes closed for most of the time, only opening ever so slightly. Even when she did open, I doubt she could see anything or anyone anymore. At least she is still moving her arms around, I thought. She must be really restless. And in pain. Too much pain.

    But that same night she went quiet, stirring only when she's in pain. We had to shift her, she's too weak and drugged to move by herself. At least her heart is beating strong, I said to myself.

    When I went back the following day, her heart beat is still going strong, in fact too strong, says the doctor, 130 BPM (beats-per-minute, I think). That's like equivalent to yours and mine after running a marathon.

    I'm worried. So bloody worried. And scared.

    Poor Daddy, I have never seen him cry in my entire life but within this weekend alone, I saw him breaking down one too many times.

    I wish I could be strong for him.

    I know this sounds silly after what I have just said (especially with the title, this will seem contradictory), but I feel deep (deep deep deep) down inside of me that my grandma is a really strong person and I hope (against all hope) that she will get better.

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    1 comments

    1 Comments:

    Blogger tatiana blanco said...

    Sorry :(

    3:01 AM  

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