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Shazi Ezan

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Goodbye 2006!!! Goodbye 2007?!!

Bitched on: Sunday, December 31, 2006
Time: 12/31/2006 10:51:00 PM

2006 is/was (depending on when you read this) really an eventful year for me.

I ORD-ed from the Army. And then into university I went.
How drastic the change was. From restricted freedom to unlimited freedom. From wearing green (and not forgeting uncomfortable boots) all day, sticking to almost-impossible-schedules, waking up in ungodly reveille hours, getting into trouble (with fat Warrant Officers) and being outfield in camo, dirty and 'unshowered' for days... to finally being normal, a civilian.

And I can't believe I'm going to say this but I really miss Army.

I really do. I miss my friends. I miss my men. I miss my recruits. I miss the camaraderie. And I miss having the 'power'. Ha ha...

And coming back to school, to university, was like a culture shock. Took us (guys) a while to re-adjust and 're-use' our rusty brains. Plus, the introduction of girls into the picture reverted us back from our barbaric ways to our pre-army ways.

How my life has changed. 2006...

A bittersweet year.

Never would I have imagined at the beginning of 2006, I would lose my only living grandparent. My Grandma was perfectly fine till the last quarter of the year. And she passed away not soon after.

:-(

Sigh...

That aside, we have an addition to the family. My sister got engaged. All the best to her and her fiance (the best brother-in-law I can ever ask for, FYI) who are getting married early this/next year (again depending on when you read this).

I re-read my blog entry last year, the one with all my new year resolutions for 2006.

I forgot I had writen one till a good friend of mine reminded me (to her; 2006 has been a really tough time for you, I wish you a problem-free 2007. Start afresh, babe. Gambatte.)

Oh well, back to my 2006 resolutions, I failed miserably.

Firstly, I have yet to get a licence (to kill... no lah... to drive... which reminds me I haven't watch James Bond yet...). I am freaking stupid. Period. My PDL expired like eons ago. Yet, 0 lessons so far.

And secondly, still no girlfriend. Grrr...
Nuff said... Grrr...

Lost interest in getting a marine aquarium tank. No more Nemo for me. But I am thinking of adopting baby penguins now... especially feet-tapping ones.

Sports? What sports? Whatever happened to that idea to pick up a physical sport?

But there were other resolutions that I made it through.
Like choosing a university and a course (obviously). Getting a new wardrobe. Saving money. And still continue with my gyming and running (yes, I run now!).

That said, I still have to come up with resolutions for 2007.
So here goes:

Get a cap score of at least 4.5 next semester to make up for my average first semester.
Dance in NUS's 'Dance Blast' (finally, after shelving that idea last semester).
Do well as a member of TAS (The Architectural Society) and probably organise the next FOC (Freshmen Orientation Camp) as the 'Head'.
Get a girlfriend (****priority****).
Get a job during the June holidays.
Save money $$$$$$$$$$.
Go to Dubai in June. Maybe Australia too. And Thailand in December.

And like tradition (What tradition? I have been blogging for only a year), here are my hopes for 2007.

I have none.

2007.

Hopeless.

Kidding.

But seriously, the world is coming to an end. Sooner than we expect it to be. And if we don't do something about it, we are all going to die by 2020 maybe. Just look at the weather patterns now. Everything changed. Everything, every disaster, is much more drastic. More unimaginable earthquakes. Hurricanes and tropical storms are stronger and bigger than usual. Unusual rain storms strike everywhere.

The recent regional rain is so bad, there are floods in Singapore (despite the effective drainage system here), Malaysia (said to be its worst national disaster, with hundreds of thousands evacuated) and Indonesia (plus, Aceh was struck with another earthquake)!

The weather patterns are so screwed up globally that it recently snowed in some parts of Australia (when it is supposed to be summer down under). Plus there was also snow in the middle east!!! In Jerusalem!! So weird.

In addition to that, winters in Europe and North America are relatively warmer too. Even New York City was not spared; it had its first snow-less winter in 150 years. And Scandinavian countries have comparatively more snow-less mountain peaks now, thanks to the global warming.

People. Wake up!

We need to do something!!!

Sigh...

I sound a bit insane, I know. I just hope that there will be a 2008 for me to write my resolutions again. Lol.

Labels: holidays, natural disasters, new year resolutions, personal

0 comments

...results are out...

Bitched on: Thursday, December 28, 2006
Time: 12/28/2006 12:45:00 PM

The results for last semester are out.

I've never seen so many Bs since that time I tripped over a hive.

Hirk.

Labels: architecture, school

0 comments

A year of Blogging, A look back. Part 1

Bitched on: Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Time: 12/27/2006 12:31:00 AM

It has been exactly a year since I started this narcissitic I-hope-people-read-my-blog hobby called blogging.

And as much as I hate it initially (cause blogging an entry can take up at least two hours of your time a day), I admit that things have been fantastic. My 'Engrish' has never been better from all this bitching and whinning. Support from my friends and relatives have been great (they will even pester me if I haven't updated after some time). Even strangers dropping by have been giving me great 'reviews'.

I really love the attention (I admit... blogging does make your head balloon up a bit) especially when strangers (other 'non-friend' bloggers) quote you (I have no problems with copyright and stuff) or 'promote' you in their blogs.

Gosh... Now my neck is hurting... haha...

Well that's blogging. If people don't read your blog, then what's the point right? Might as well write in a diary.

Of course there are those who wrote hate-mails to me. Who cares? Its my blog and I write whatever I want. Screw it. Bet you don't realise it but I can even track down who visited my blog. Thanks to Sitemeter.com. So I know where you live... muahahaha (*evil laughter*).

So I read some of my friends' blogs and surprisingly almost all of them are writing about the same thing at this time of the year - Blogging, its purpose and its power as a tool for communication.

Here's my two cents worth:

Some people blog about their personal lives (with pictures of what they had for lunch, dinner, yadda yadda yadda... pictures of them clubbing or holidaying... yawn...) while some try to make their blog 'intelligent' (with debates, controversional essays and even propaganda writing... yawn...).

Whatever the blogger's style of writing is, isn't blogging about writing your thoughts and life for the whole world to read? Its posted on the web, isnt it? Face it, my fellow bloggers, we all have a lil' bit of exhibitionism in all of us (not in a sexual way... but... that can apply to certain people...). We blog because we want people to read about what we blog -our opinions, we want to be acknowledged, we crave the attention. We want complete strangers to know we exist, to admire us, to sympathise with us, to envy us and to love (or hate) us.

I know that some people might argue that they blog about their mundane day-to-day stuff for their own recreation and for therapeutic bull crap and because they want to, but really, they blog because they want blog surfers to read about it (and even leave some comments)! Its true no? You want your friends to know how well you are doing. You want your friends to like reading about your life. You post aesthatically pleasant pictures of yourself or whatever you think would make your blog cuter. You post lyrics of songs you like. You try to make your blog appealing. And for what? To have more viewership!

If you still insist you are blogging, not for the sake of having people read about what you blog... I say, STOP. Write in a diary then. But of course there are people on the other end of the spectrum who blog because they want to be famous (think celebrity-big) and have hundreds of thousands readership per month and at the same time get paid for blogging... I say, try journalism. No one is as lucky as Wendy from Xiaxue.blogspot. Plus, stop being delusional and don't quit your day job.

And there are some people who write controversional stuff like racism, religious issues or like the recent 'elitism' bull crap, expecting people to violent react or protest to what they said... I say, get a life. There is no room in this world- cyber and real, for any form of prejudice and intolerance. We shouldn't tolerate those kind of people (see the irony in that? haha...).

And what did I do? What did I blog about?
I tried to make this blog very much ME.
Now I know that that sounded like I might be getting too big for my boots but listen up, this blog is very much like myself. To those who know me (in person) would agree with me on this. I am bitchy and loser-y at the same time. Just like this blog. haha...

I blog about almost everything I feel that is worth blogging about. I will put in my two cents worth and I will also share an anecdote or two at the same time. Plus, I will infuse some humour to make my blog entertaining. And that's my style, I guess. So don't expect insightful argumentative essays in my blog (that's all for school).

But back to tracking visitors to my blog, I've noticed that (aside from my friends or wandering blog surfers) people come to my blog to look for these things (in descending popularity):

Tammy NYP video (10 months and there are still some perverts hoping to find the video in my blog)
Dawn Yang (or Yeo)'s before and after photos
Colin and Kero
Minah Tudung (Women in headscarf) sex videos (which I don't remember blogging about...)
Miss Izzy (the SPG)'s naked pictures
And finally something non-sexual, (life as an) architecture student.

Of course there are other links to my blogs, which I won't bother mentioning. Somehow, people come to my blog to search for so-and-so nude pictures (which aren't any, except if you count Britney Spears' crotch shots... and that I have shrunk the picture sizes on purpose).

See part 2

0 comments

A year of Blogging, A look back. Part 2

Time: 12/27/2006 12:29:00 AM

See Part 1.

(continued)

I have to be honest with you, while I did started out blogging with the intention of having a lot of people read my blog and sharing a piece of me with the 'world', I do not (I repeat, 'I do not') have a personal mission to dethrone Wendy or Mr Brown... Yeah, I had dreams of blogging as a full-time job but that was like a year ago, when there was still 'a raging fire' in me. Now, I'll be lucky if I have a tiny spark each day to blog. Haha...

So I listened to my own advice and I've stopped being delusional.

But that doesn't mean that having only a few people reading your blog is a bad thing. Its sharing your story to the few, having your story heard and touching the few readers which is a bigger deal. I blog with humour, I do, for most of my entries. But there were some entries which were anything but funny. Some emotional entries like the ones about my late grandma, was in way, a channel for me to grieve and at the same time to celebrate the beauty of life, a dedication to her, if you like. Friends and strangers alike offered condolences; and for that I am grateful. :)

Another emotional entry has to be when my handphone was stolen while I was 'holidaying' in Kuala Lumpur. It was not just stolen, it was snatched, right from my very hands by some scum-of-the-earth-dirt-bag-on-a-pathetic-excuse-for-a-bike. It has been close to 4 months now, but I am still friggin paranoid and mad at that son-of-a-bitch ('mad' is an understatement). I got myself a new phone, and it feels so weird. I feel more aware now of people around me when I use the phone, scared even... I even attach a wrist band, just in case. And if all that happens again, I will never forgive myself.

Another entry I'm most proud of is 'Scarred for Life.' It wasn't an entry that I had planned to write. It was written in the spur of the moment. It was exactly word-for-word account of what I was feeling that night. I had friends coming to me trying to 'comfort' me after that. I didn't feel like that only at that moment, I feel like that every waking second. I still hate looking into the mirror. My greatest fear is that I will be like this for the rest of my life.

A kind soul offered to re-post that entry in her blog. The blog is part of her online project on scars, and the often emotional stories behind these scars. She is also an exceptional photographer in Canada who recently had an exhibition of her works. Of course, I felt truly honoured to be one of those mentioned in her work (you can read my 'story' here in her blog). Its awesome by the way, her project, and I love the pictures of me and other 'scarred ones' (so imperfect, yet beautiful).

Its the little things like this that makes you feel driven to blog.
To be heard and to be seen.
To reach out and touch the readers...

Her small act, made me feel truly honoured. Thanks, Svea.

Another habit of mine is that I like to 'revisit' entries in my blog.
So here I go, I will try to 'revisit' all the more popular entries in one go, chronologically... that I will try...

Tammy. Tammy. Tammy.
The most-sought-after topic in my blog. Why?!!Its been close to a year now! Move on! Leave that horny little cheerleader alone!!! Does my blog look like a pornographic site to you?

While we are still on the topic of sex videos, I don't have any steamy videos on my blog!!! Neither do I have any links to any videos!!! No Susan Chua! No 'minah tudung' (headscarf ladies)! And no Paris Hilton!

Secondly, Miss Izzy. I blogged about her a few months ago. It was only recently that her popularity shot up (thanks to 'Girls Out Loud'). The little slutty 'yellow' girl with super-fake accent, prepubescent chest and a knack for sleeping with white dicks. I can't stand her. Stop belittling Asian guys in your blog, you little tramp.

Here's her picture from her blog. I blurred her breasts (... I mean chest... though I had thought it wasn't necessary at first). Trust me, I'm doing you all a favour.

Colin and Kero, are they still together, or have they broken up?
Do I care? Last time I check they didn't act together in some Hollywood movie and neither did they adopt kids from Africa or Cambodia. So, No.

They are gay, big deal. This is Singapore, that's stale news. If you still wanna know, see here (their own Yahoo Group... what the hell?)

Before and After pictures??? Are these pictures of the same girl? A case of good grooming, photoshop or work done? You decide.

While you do that, lemme drool over her. Dawn Yang... *drools*...

Plus, I blogged about Singapore Idol too. From the auditions to the finale when Hady was crowned. From the stupid delusional people who auditioned to the irritating incessant screamings of the mostly female teenage audience to Ja's nonsensical ramblings to Gurmit's horrible hosting. And last but not least the controversional Joakim and Paul prolonged stay in the top 5.

So that's about all I want to blog about for now. If you want to read more, try clicking on those entries on the sidebar (right), under '.popular BITCHings'.

I just wanna say thanks to all those who read my blog. Thanks to all my friends who give me the encouragement, the 'spark' to continue blogging. Gosh... I sound like I'm accepting an award. Haha...
I can't believe it has been a year now. And what an amazing year it has been.

Hopefully, I will survive another year, and another and another... May the fire burn on.

The He-bitch is on fire, baby!!!

0 comments

Happy Holidays.

Bitched on: Sunday, December 24, 2006
Time: 12/24/2006 02:09:00 PM

I don't celebrate Christmas and I get really pissed off when people ask me how I celebrate Christmas.

Call me the Grinch, whatever.

To me Christmas is a Christian holy day (*not holiday*), so there.

I can't help but feel its close to losing its 'spirit' and intention to greed and American commercialization (like Valentine's and Halloween...) with its global kitsch 'Winter Wonderland' decorations (especially in tropical Singapore) and images of greedy kids opening stacks of presents around a fake Christmas tree.

Call me a traditionalist, whatever.

But this doesn't mean I hate Christmas.

I just get frustrated when non-Christians celebrate it just because they think its 'Western' and they celebrate Christmas with total disregard for the Christian traditions ('merry-making' like drinking and partying... ehem...)...

So to all my Christian friends, Happy Holidays.
Enjoy this clip. I find it really cute.

Labels: holidays

0 comments

New Phone! New Nose?

Bitched on: Saturday, December 23, 2006
Time: 12/23/2006 11:52:00 PM

Bloggers Note: Entry contains graphic and 'gory' images.

Santa Claus came early this year.

Cause... I got myself a new phone!!!

And I so love the phone! Finally after 2 months (or so) of using that primitive phone (since that horrific snatch theft incident... a minute of silence... sob sob...), I've finally found the perfect phone for me!

N73!!!

Here's what's so good about the phone, everything!!!

Its not just a handphone (or a cell phone or a mobile...), its also a 3.2 megapixel camera with Carl Zeiss optics that can provide vivid photo quality for prints up to 10'' x 8. And that is so damn important for a camera whore like myself. There is also an built-in flash which will leave you temporary blinded for some time (I kid you not!). Plus it has auto-focus (*gasp*... so say goodbye to shaky shots!) There's also another camera at the front for its 3G functions. And all your shots (or 'crystal clear' videos) are beautifully framed in its 2.4'' viewfinder.

Some of my first few shots... (FYI my hair is not that blonde in person)

Plus, its built-in digital music player and stereo speakers are so loud!!!

There are other 'normal' functions like 3G, RealPlayer, radio, calculator, BlueTooth, Infra-red, web connection and stuff. And with new functions like Nokia Lifeblog and Flikr, blogging and uploading pictures are merely a mouse click away! Even bloggers like Mr Brown, Adrianna and Chubby Hubby are using it (see here).

I feel like I'm helping Nokia promote the handphone.. lol...

Well, the phone itself is a decent-looking candy-bar phone.
And since its close to Christmas, its a friggin steal!!!

Well, guess I'm not the only one with an early present, Wendy a.k.a Xiaxue from 'Xiaxue.blogspot.com -Everyone's reading it' got herself a brand new nose.

Courtesy of the producers from 'Girls Out Loud'.

The show is probably the best thing from local TV since... erm... ever(?). It kinda reminds me of 'The Simple Life' (Ros is Paris, Wendy is Nicole, naturally) with a bit (just a lil' bit) intelligence, some brattish pranks and a whole load of bitchiness.

I simply adored last week's episode with Miss Izzy a.k.a SPG. I was tickled silly when Ros said she loved Miss Izzy's accents, all three of them (that was like a slap to her face lah...). And they further cornered her into admitting she talks to herself (poor girl must have no friends) to perfect her made-up (mix-and-match) accent. Someone pass me the tissue please, I'm tearing (from rolling on the floor laughing, not because of her 'sob story'). Haha... Stupid delusional people!

Pictures from xiaxue.blogspot.com

So back to her new nose. Wendy said she wanted a new nose and the show could follow her surgery... So it would be FOC (free-of-charge) then.

Smart girl... Cunning.

But this coming from someone who was 'slaughtering' Dawn Yang for her alleged plastic surgery (or surgeries...). There are more pictures of Wendy's surgery in this week's '8 Days' issue (FYI, the big-sized edition of '8 Days' magazine also has a 2007 calender... nice...).

Related Entries:
Dawn Yang: Revisited
Estatic about Aesthetic Surgery
Estatic about Aesthetic Surgery: Revisited

Last words: My sister got the U-Zap thingy (like what Fiona Xie uses on those commercials). And I'm having a blast with it. On the spare tire around the waist, on my thighs and calves.
On my head (warning: causes headaches) and neck (really not recommended, painful as hell).

Hopefully my gut disappears before school reopens.

Labels: aesthetic surgeries, handphone

0 comments

Get a life.

Bitched on: Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Time: 12/20/2006 02:42:00 PM

Feeling sick today.
Sigh... damn weather.
Finally saw the sun today. It was raining cats and dogs (and pigs and cows and chickens and the entire animal kingdom) yesterday.

It was probably the 2nd most rainiest day in Singapore (ever recorded!!). I saw in the news (fine... I happened to watch it just at the moment I turned on the TV) that it rained more yesterday than the average rainfall for the month of December last year!!!

Unbelievable...

Or maybe I got the facts all wrong. I wasn't really paying attention (its a wonder how I do well in school...).

Many areas in Singapore were flooded (up to waist deep even).
Something is seriously screwed up with the weather nowadays.

Plus I was nearly killed by the flood yesterday on my way to gym!!! (gasp!!!)

Ermm... Actually I was trying to avoid an ankle-deep puddle by the side a T-junction. Instead of just stepping of the kerb (where the puddle was), I tried jumping over the puddle. And this car which was turning out from the right took too small a turn, nearly knocking me down in the process. Ass...

I can just imagine today's headlines if that happened:
~~Boy killed by flood~~
Boy killed avoiding puddle.

Here's how bad the floods are at some places. This one is at Thompson Road (I think) where my mum likes to shop for her potted flowers (which will always end up flowerless and eventually 'leaveless' for sure...)

Plus, its so damn cold. I now walk around my house wearing socks (damn icy marble floor!!).

Last words: Unemployed and bored during the holidays.
My life sucks...
So, what a guy like me to do to get a life?

Simple, get a second life.
I have been playing this game called Second Life.
You all should try it.

I got my sisters addicted to it.
My first sis is now a lesbian erotic dancer and my second sis is a shopaholic 'escort'.
As for me, I'm a 1.9metre-tall-blonde-struggling-reporter (search for me- Ezan Nakamura). You can change your appearance to anything you want. You can wear anything you want. You can choose to work or if you are like my sisters, flirt to get money (easier for girls to play this game).

You can do anything you want (even fly!!!). Its really cool.
So look for me and I can take you shopping for clothes (some are free, most are not) and clubbing. Or visit zoos and museums. Strip clubs and nudist beach (real graphic mature stuff).

Best online game since erm... I don't really play online games...

Plus, its free. Or you can also choose to pay (via credit cards) to get a premium account which lets you start with L$1000 and subsequently you get more money monthly.

Which is not really necessary, cause if 'you' have tops with plunging necklines and huge knockers (like my sisters' characters), 'men' will pay for everything.

Labels: loser moments, Singapore stories, YouTube

0 comments

Dawn Yang: Revisited.

Bitched on: Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Time: 12/19/2006 12:56:00 AM

I have to admit something.

I did a really foolish thing.

Exactly a year ago.

God, I can't even believe I'm posting this entry. Haha...

You know how I would go gaa-gaa talking about Dawn Yang (or Dawn Yeo as she was known some time ago)?

Well, one year ago, on the same day, I found her Friendster profile.

And I... (God, I'm freaking ashamed of this) added her to be my friend.

But... one year passed and its still unaccepted.

Haha... What a loser. Hahaha...

And add to the embarrassment and the 'loser-ness', I wrote her a message too which is also (surprise surprise...) left unreplied for a year.

OK, don't judge me. But this was before I found out about her supposed post-surgery pictures and other controversies surrounding her. And I was seriously crazy about her then.

Now not so much...

The subject was "WOW. i found THE Goddess".

Crap. I'm even ashamed of the title.

"haha, guess you must haf a lot of fan mail and might even forgo my mail but ill try my luck nonetheless.

no you dont know me but i know you (as much as the New paper write about you, haha)

no i'm not an old balding chikopek or an office pervert on his computer 24 7, but im a plain looking guy with insecurities who stumbled on your friendster jus before i wrote this message.

i noe u r not a movie star or anything but im jus a BIG fan ever since i saw your pic on the NEW paper.

i reassure you im not a stalker or anything but i would like to be included in your large LARGE circle of friends (460 up to date, or izzit your fan mail?)

haha, i envy you a lot. u r blessed wif perfect looks,great brains and deep pockets. i hope you dun feel insulted but im sayin this whole heartedly. God must haf spent all his efforts on you and i happened to be his next work (cos He was exhausted after you haha, im so lame)

send me a mail, if u feel up to it (wat am i sayin? a goddess mailin back??)

Wow, u really r something. and wat a name too."

What the hell? Haiz.... I'm so ashamed . Hahaha.

What can I say, I do not have a way with the ladies.
I ended up sounding like a sex-crazed desperate pervert.

Gosh... I should just walk around with my finger and my thumb in the shape of an L on my forehead.

But heck, after the alleged plastic surgeries and post-surgery pictures emerging to support these claims, I'm not so keen anymore (yeah sure... like she had wanted me in the first place).

Tell me, are these pictures of the same person?

Hmmm....

PS: I admit, I do reject requests of strangers to be my friends in Friendster (especially if they are freakishly ugly and delusional... hahaha...).

But hey, that's life...

I watched today's episode of 'Tyra Banks' show about how beautiful people have it easier and not so beautiful ones have it harder in life (work, how surrounding people react and respond, day-to-day stuff, etc.).

So they tried to this 'research' with two gorgeous identical twins. They had one 'uglified' (with braces and a huge fake nose) and both twins were supposed to get people walking on some street to do some sort of a survey.

And 'surprisingly' the 'uglier' twin had 0 surveyees and many people (especially guys) had no problem stopping to help the sex-kitten... I mean prettier surveying twin... with the surveys.

Haiz... Life sucks doesn't it?

So I can't wait for my chemical peel... which would be in a couple of years time (*fingers crossed*).

I can't wait to look normal...

Estatic about Aesthetic Surgery

Estatic about Aesthetic Surgery: Revisited

Labels: aesthetic surgeries, Dawn Yang

9 comments

I had a dream.

Bitched on: Sunday, December 17, 2006
Time: 12/17/2006 11:45:00 AM

Today is the seventh day after my Grandma's death.

And just before we are about to leave our house to go to her place to offer more prayers, here I am, blogging.

I had a dream.

She was still alive.

And I was crying, because I was happy, that she had woken up from her coma.

Smiling... Talking...

And then I woke up, still crying, only to realise it was a dream.

And I cried myself back to sleep again.

Labels: grandma, personal

0 comments

What's up with these people?!

Bitched on: Saturday, December 16, 2006
Time: 12/16/2006 03:57:00 AM

Blogger's Note: Link contains violent and disturbing content.

Woman repeatedly stabbed by man.

Along a road in Singapore.

In broad daylight.

Some jacka** filmed it.

And uploaded it on YouTube.

What. The. F__k.

Labels: violence, YouTube

0 comments

Kinda like me...

Time: 12/16/2006 12:47:00 AM

Mr. Eraser by ~john-alan on deviant ART

Labels: rubbish

0 comments

...

Bitched on: Thursday, December 14, 2006
Time: 12/14/2006 12:47:00 AM

In a strange way, I feel comforted to know that she passed away shortly after she fell ill. It means Mother (that's how I address...ed my Grandma...) didn't have to endure anymore suffering. And I know she is now in a better place.

A place free from the pain.

sigh...

...

It was a nice funeral last Monday (Muslims believe in burying the deceased as soon as possible; so no wakes whatsoever).

Sure, there was all the mourning and crying (especially me, I think I cried more than all my male cousins put together... surprise surprise...) whilst during the takziah (funeral) at Mother's place (which now, as my sister had reminded me, shouldn't be called 'her place' anymore), but there were also prayers of forgiveness and recitations of the holy Qur'an (the ayat Yassin); which made the day very spiritually... special, you know?

I have never felt more closer to God.

But it was really heart-wrenching to see my dad and my uncles cry after the kapan (shrouding of the body with white cloths after the tukang cuci mayat has cleansed the body). That's when we were allowed to give her a farewell kiss (tears are not allowed to fall on the deceased face, which is the only part exposed; so we really had to fight back the tears). I felt like hugging my Dad when he broke down but I found myself equally inconsolable.

And the burial was also just as unforgetable. The sky was dark by the time we got to the Muslim cemetery and it threatened to pour anytime soon. But surprisingly it didn't rain a drop until the very end.

My Dad and my uncles were the ones who placed my late grandma's body into the grave. Then we offered more prayers after the grave-diggers were done covering the grave and the makeshift tombstone was erected. That was when it started to pour.

It was refreshingly cooling with the wind blowing across the open fields of tombstones. Brought me back to that day when I was sketching in front of a mosque in Putrajaya. It was slightly pouring, the wind was blowing from the lake and the prayer call echoed across the square in front of the mosque (which was where I was).

I felt spiritually at peace then and I was certainly feeling equally at peace at the cemetery...

Just when we ended the prayer with an, "Amin," the heavens opened. But I (and I could have sworn this is true) was not really drenched. We were forbidden to cry at cemeteries lest we might upset the 'occupants' but it was like (as cliche as this might sound) the sky was crying on our behalf.

It was like I felt close to God there and then, you know... and in a way I felt it was a special way to part with her.

It felt beautiful.

It felt right.

Labels: grandma, personal

0 comments

She's gone.

Bitched on: Monday, December 11, 2006
Time: 12/11/2006 04:03:00 PM

She lost the fight.

I can't believe she's gone... forever.

...

She used to kiss our cheeks after we salaam (greet) her; and she would joke that we were either warm and feverish or we were too cold. My sisters and I joked that she was the 'human thermometer'.

...

And when I kissed her today before they covered up her body, she was cold... very cold.

And I wished I could tell her that...

...

Labels: grandma, personal

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I think my grandma is dying.

Bitched on: Sunday, December 10, 2006
Time: 12/10/2006 02:13:00 AM

Something is wrong.

Last week, my grandma was hospitalised once again. She is still bedridden since the last time I blogged about her. I had wished then that she would get better and start walking again. At least be able to sit in a wheelchair. And I had hoped (as did my sister) that she could come to my sister's wedding this January.

My grandma had also lost part of her memory and it was hard for her to remember people. I thought it was 'alright' since it was part and parcel of getting old. I mean, she could still talk and joke around with the people around her.

But last Friday, I saw her again. This time she couldn't say a single word except to moan. She lost her voice, I thought, she will get it back once she gets better. It must be the strong medicine she's taking; at least she has her eyes open, I thought.

The next day, she was still 'muted' plus she had her eyes closed for most of the time, only opening ever so slightly. Even when she did open, I doubt she could see anything or anyone anymore. At least she is still moving her arms around, I thought. She must be really restless. And in pain. Too much pain.

But that same night she went quiet, stirring only when she's in pain. We had to shift her, she's too weak and drugged to move by herself. At least her heart is beating strong, I said to myself.

When I went back the following day, her heart beat is still going strong, in fact too strong, says the doctor, 130 BPM (beats-per-minute, I think). That's like equivalent to yours and mine after running a marathon.

I'm worried. So bloody worried. And scared.

Poor Daddy, I have never seen him cry in my entire life but within this weekend alone, I saw him breaking down one too many times.

I wish I could be strong for him.

I know this sounds silly after what I have just said (especially with the title, this will seem contradictory), but I feel deep (deep deep deep) down inside of me that my grandma is a really strong person and I hope (against all hope) that she will get better.

Labels: grandma, personal

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Well I be damned...

Bitched on: Saturday, December 09, 2006
Time: 12/09/2006 12:10:00 PM

I'm still not used to my hair colour!!! I was especially self-conscious of how brownish my hair was last Friday when I went to the mosque for my prayers. However, I was more appalled to see so many other youths with brighter blonder hair.

But better that they had come down to pray in the first place than play soccer at some street soccer court, right?

At the gates of the mosque after the prayers had ended, there was a couple of teenage guys giving out pamphlets to other youths. It was for this workshop thingy held by the mosque during the December holidays. It was aimed at those aged 15 to 19.

I was... ehem... flattered to get one (despite being well over the teenage years...). Its nice to know that the mosque (and MUIS, the Islamic organisation in Singapore) is trying to reach out to the younger generation now (a far cry from my time). I remember hearing 'sermons' (what's the Islamic equivalent, can someone help me out?) every single Friday; about damnation to sinners in hell for all eternity, and other unimaginable stuff capable of nightmares...

It was like "this is bad, that was bad, this is not good, that is not so good, don't do this, don't do that or else..."

Don't get me wrong, I have never questioned the religion and its teachings. I was just questioning its approach. In addition to that, I was trying to figure out its relevance to the present.

Are Muslims still transfixed with the literal translation of the Qur'an? Come on let's face it, the holy book was created centuries ago... We should use it as a guide in our lives, that I believe, but not to the extent of cutting off the hands of thieves and stoning of an adulterous couple to death (punishments still past out in some Muslim countries to date!).

But I'm not going to dwell on that right now (maybe some other day...).

Speaking of relevance of Islamic laws to the present, my taggy has been flooded with a 'debate' between two of the most bimbotic people I know (other than myself and I mean it in a good way) about ear-piercing and going to hell and stuff.

So to help these poor souls who are 'damned to hell' (like they said it themselves) be enlightened, I actually went online to google on what's disallowed and allowed in the holy Qur'an and more importantly, things which are relevant to today's context.

So about ear piercing and other body piercings for that matter; Allah warns us against the temptings of the shayton (devil) and one of those warning is about piercing and changing the creation of Allah. So no to body piercings for both man and woman (just ear piercings for the ladies are allowed), instead (the website says) donate the money 'intended to poke holes in your body' to charity.

Note: Another site has this to say; Body piercing for males is not at all permissible in Islam. Ear piercing has been permitted for females, according to some scholars. Such an exception, however, does not apply to males.

Still on the topic of changing one's appearance, surgery for the sake of beautification is disallowed while surgery to correct birth deformity or post-accident scarring is permissible. Even shaping the eyebrows is not allowed... ehem...

Then there are other seemingly 'small' and 'harmless' things which are also not permissible in Islam like sleeping on the stomach and contact between unrelated (and unwed) man-and-woman. Even working at a bank with dealings based on nothing but interest (because taking and giving interest is a major sin in Islam in the first place!) is haraam (not allowed).

Then there are things that are not encouraged like eating at a restaurant which sells alcohol (does a kopitiam count?) and even celebrating birthdays. I admit, I am guilty of doing all of these things (yikes!!!).

Blogger's Note: For more Islamic FAQs, see here.
I am not implying I am some 'saint' or 'holy man'. Its just me doing some 'research' on my religion.

Recently, I received some flak over my decision to post Britney Spears' panties-less pictures. A certain someone called me a disgrace because I'm a Muslim (at least that's what I think he was trying to say, his 'Engrish' wasn't as impeccable.)

Whatever lah.

Can't be bothered to argue with these self-proclaimed righteous and 'sin-free' people. Like they say,

"Never argue with an idiot. People watching might not know the difference."

Labels: religion

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The One that will 'stun' you.

Bitched on: Thursday, December 07, 2006
Time: 12/07/2006 05:05:00 PM

I found this really adorable.
Courtesy of Japan.

And this was a bit disturbing.
Courtesy of Korea.
See the girl on the right.

She was having a seizure.
And the fact that they actually carried on performing...
That's so wrong...

Related Entries:
The One that will make you go, "Huh? WDH?"
The One that will make you go, "EEWW!!!"
The One that will make you go, "Awww...."
The One that will make you go, "Huh? WDH?": Part 2
The One that you'll only get at the end...

Labels: YouTube

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Rebel without a cause.

Bitched on: Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Time: 12/06/2006 09:49:00 PM

I dyed my hair today.

Aiyoh... so expensive leh.
$79.90. And that's just to dye the hair leh.
At that Mark Lee's hair salon at Jurong Point, 'Storm' or something like that (got brand one hor...).

OMG. I sound like a neighbourhood beng. That would go well with the hair. Yes, the blonde hair was a tad over my comfort level and I actually dyed it again (thank God for cheaper DIY) to a more 'acceptable' colour. But still enough to (hopefully) shock my parents.

Yup. Yup. I'm still 'rebelling' against my parents. For what? I don't know. Haha...

They didn't bat an eyelid when they saw my hair though... grrr....
This calls for desperate measures.

Shopping binge!!!!
Forget 'shopping sprees'. I shop binge.

Been doing that since exam ended (which reminds me, I am so going to fail... gahh...).

Anyway, went to Vivocity four times liao. Damn crowded every single time I go there (and the crowd even spills into the HarbourFront train station!!!). Its like the entire Singapore goes there to shop nowadays. Plus, I gave up trying to watch a movie there. Its close to impossible to get the movie tickets you want. By the time I get to the front of the queue, the tickets would be sold out. Happened to me twice! So unlucky!!!

And shopping there can be headache. Don't get me started about the 'circulation' (architecture talk for 'how people move', something like people 'ventilation') in the shopping centre. Its really confusing (especially for easily 'lost' people like yours truly). Morever, I'm not so much impressed by the architecture. I've seen better works by Toyo Ito, the architect who designed it (actually its probably his staff who came up with the design, he, like what my friend said, merely signed his name on the plans...).

"Ornamentation and crime." - a book by Adolf Loos (some architect who died a long long time ago)

And that seems to be the case with the curvilinear design of Vivocity. The facade is totally non-structural, just mere added-on 'decorations'. An 'eyesore' really.
And the ceiling inside. Is it just me or do you feel claustrophobic with the low ceiling (and again with the curvilinear technoid shapes)?

OKOK, I feel like I'm drifting off to writing an 'archi' essay.
So back to my rebelling; shopping. I bought this really cool shirt from New Urban Male that says:

"If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?"

Geddit? Funny right? Haha...

Bought more tops from Nike, Topman and Adidas. Thinking of buying another Levis jeans. Shoes... I need shoes....

Man, I sound like a girl. So I should try to do 'manly' rebellious stuff next time.

Like I said in my tagboard, I tried to pick up smoking but... damn... its too expensive (what? $10 for a pack?). I'm paying that amount of money to drive myself to an early grave? What's up with you smokers?!

And... Before I forget, the controversional ear-piercing.

Nope.

Never going to happen. Well, its not because of the pressure from those who were against it (especially my dear twinny), but because I chickened out. I was this close to piercing on Monday night when I felt all woozy listening to my friends talk about their piercing and some other piercing accidents (good thing I wasn't 'accepted' into Medicine or Dentistry... a silver lining... trying to see the silver lining... sob sob...).

So I threw that idea to pierce out of the window...

Gah... I'm a wimp. Lol.

Labels: architecture, personal, shopping

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Happy Feet.

Bitched on: Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Time: 12/05/2006 11:17:00 PM

Watch Happy Feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its SO DAMN CUTE.

Must watch. Must watch. MUST WATCH.

Reason Number 1.
Its about penguins. And Mumble (as a baby... not so much when he grew older) is SO DAMN CUTE.

Reason Number 2.
There are a lot of stars who lent their voices to the movie.
Like Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Robin William and the late Steve Irwin (...a moment of silence...). And Robin William's character (Ramon, left) is so DAMN CUTE.

Reason Number 3.
Its DAMN CUTE.

Reason Number 4.
Its DAMN CUTE.

Reason Number 5.
Its DAMN CUTE.

OKOK. You get the picture.

If this isn't cute, I don't know what is...

Awww... SO CUTE...........

I'm gushing like a little girl. Anyway, finally found myself enjoying a movie (unlike my previous encounter).

I laughed so hard, I think I was the nuisance. Who can blame me? There were so many punchlines, its impossible to not laugh that hard...

Here are some really good lines:

Ramón: Just a moment. I hear people wanting something... ME!

Leopard Seal: Come here you sausage. I take you with ketchup.
Latin Penguins: But first you must catch up!

Lombardo: What are you gonna do? Subject him to cruel and unusual punishment?
Raul: Unimaginable torture?
Lombardo: Imaginable torture?
Raul: Your singing?

MUST WATCH. Its worth it!!!

I couldn't stop tapping after the show!

Labels: movie

1 comments

Girl, put your panties on.

Bitched on: Sunday, December 03, 2006
Time: 12/03/2006 12:55:00 AM

Looks like I'm back to my old perverted and sarcastic self.

Bloggers Note: This entry contains nudity. If anyone is offended by any nudity (in this case Britney Spears' twice over-stretched p****), please leave. Inversely, if you are a pervert (or a closet voyeur) click on the pictures for a 'close-up'.

Britney. Britney. Britney.

...

What can I say?

Something is seriously amiss if you need Paris (of all people!!!) to save your modesty.
Now, that's 'hot'.

PS: Happy Birthday, Britney Spears.
I'm sure everyone will be buying you panties.

Labels: Britney Spears, Hollywood, sex

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The reason why.

Bitched on: Friday, December 01, 2006
Time: 12/01/2006 08:33:00 PM

Ok...

Some of you know I wasn't feeling myself for the past week.
Some of my friends cared to noticed and some people didn't.
To those I have 'upsetted', I am 'sorry' (though I really felt none of my sarcasm or bitching was directed at anyone...). To those whom I ignored their SMSes, I'm terribly sorry cause I have had my phone switched off for most of the time.

This week has been hell for me.

Firstly, I 'contemplated' suicide.
Seriously, when your mind is a mess for a split second, your world crumbles. And just for that split second, you say things. And you want to do things to get the 'attention'.

But that didn't mean the thought of slashing my wrist or flinging myself out of the window was just to seek attention; and neither am I saying I wasn't thinking of the consequences.

I just was...

So here I am now. Alive and barely out of this 'depression'.

What kick-started all this crap?

Hmmm... Here's a summary.
Well, first it was my almost-existing-only-to-have-it-thrown-back-to-my-face-'love-life'.
Then it was the holiday-to-Krabi-that-never-was.
Add to that, feeling of 'hatred' against my ever-controlling "but-you're-still-our-baby"-parents.
A pinch of exam stress (which I am so going to fail).
And a whole lot of 'running away from home'.

Yeah, you heard me right.

I ran away from home (for just a weekend; from Friday to Sunday night...).
Quite pathetic right?
Stayed over (and get to study) in school. Slept in my studio.

Had a huge row with my mum (and dad) about going to Krabi.

She said 8 days there was too long.

I said I was 21.

She thought it was too far and Thailand was not safe with all the tsunamis and all (that was years ago... grrrr....).

I said I was 21.

She said it was expensive.
I said I would pay everything myself. And yes, I said I was 21.

I didn't see their problem at that time (and I still don't). But that Friday morning I gave her the ultimate cold shoulder treatment.

She started her nagging again and went all teary-eyed, calling me ungrateful after what my parents had given and done for me.

OF COURSE I FELT FUCKING GUILTY.

But I went out of the house. Quietly. Still not saying a word. But breaking down at the flight of my stairs.

You must be reading this at this point and must be thinking, "OMG Shazi, grow up. How could you make your mother cry? You horrible horrible ingrate. You are the worst son in the whole wide world."

I know.
And that's when I thought of killing myself.

To 'ease' my parents' 'burden'. I felt so bad making my mum cry, I felt like my whole world was crumbling...

That's not the worst part.

Honestly, a part of me 'hated' them.
I would be lying to myself if I didn't say I was frustrated with them and wanted them to feel 'guilty'.

Sure, they 'pamper' me with 'everything' I 'wanted' but they never gave what I 'needed' the most- my FREEDOM.
I hated them for not giving me this freedom. Its not the first time I wanted to go some place; and its not the first time they 'shut me off' like that.

I really don't get it. If my female friend get to go to Europe backpacking with her girlfriend, WHY CAN'T I go to this stupid trip?
Tell me, is it fair that some of my friends get to go holidaying (of course with their parents' 'sponsorship') when I CAN'T EVEN GO ON TO THIS TRIP WITH MY OWN STINKING MONEY?

WHAT THE FUCK????????

I am still fucking pissed off. I hate them. I am still not on 'normal' talking terms with them (I would just grunt or just shut up when they talk to me and they would later give up trying). And they are so freaking nicer to me now. Especially my mum, pretending like all this never happened. And I hate all that niceness and attention - makes me feel so much worst than I already am.

I KNOW I'M LIKE THE MOST INGRATEFUL SON IN THE WORLD FUCKING WORLD.

And I hate that. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to rebel so much. TO GO AGAINST THEM FOR ONCE.

I want to dye my hair without telling them one of this days. And pierce my ear (left earlobe... no more right ear jokes...ass). They were against it a month ago when I suggested it to them. That would be a perfect way to rebel.

TO HELL WITH IT.

I am going to fucking piss them off. I am an adult and I can do whatever fucking thing I want to do (though it really sounds immature but heck).

So write in my tagboard and call me selfish or ingrateful or immature. I really don't care.

I just know I am going to regret writing this entry. But to hell with it.

This is how I feel right now. And I know, I can never hate my parents and eventually... I would 'forgive' them like they have forgiven me.

So I really couldn't concentrate on my exams at that time too...

I am so going to fail. And my weight dropped to almost below 50 at one point (no shit).

...

Thank God this week's over.

Labels: personal

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